America.
How you doin big fella?
Doin alright?
How are things in New Orleans?
Gas prices not too bad?
Still have that dictator of yours? Hmm?
That war goin okay? Hmm?
Still pretending to have elections?[http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/10432334/was_the_2004_election_stolen/1]Screw it, I tried.
See, if you were in Russia, you would have no hurricanes, your ownsupply of oil, a dictator who everyone agrees should be dictator, and thus no need for elections anyway!
Sadly, I'll soon be back to share the blame with all of you. First off, I am alive. In this city, the 'All-consuming-gristmill-of-the-century', I feel nothing if not alive. Scott Bertucci can attest to that fact, having barely escaped the citywith his skin, though being twice mugged in the space of an hour inthe process. Colin Whitherill, a classmate from high school, alsomanaged randomly spot me in a club two weeks ago on the tail end of atransfer from train to plane at a Moscow airport, though even at thetime he was not sure if it was me, and took a triple take when he sawmy hair before he finally asked: Myles??? Is that you??? I dont thinkeither of us are sure it actually happened.
Secondly.
Like the Tartars, Mongols, Poles, Swedes, Turks, Austrians,Lithuanians, Japanese, Teutonic Knights, Napoleon, Bismark and Hitlerbefore me, I am making a 'Tactical Retreat' from the Motherland. Like all those before me, I realize I simply haven't enough forces toconquer the largest country on Earth. In a land as hard as itspermafrost, I have opted for a thaw.
In the last couple weeks I was arrested for not having the proper 'dokumenty' on me, survived a knife-point attempted robbery unscathed and without losing my money, despite this managed to then lost my wallet with my visa and passport, spent the last 5 days in police stations and embassies, now I am being thrown out of the country (luckily I was leaving anyway) because I'm illegal, and I spent all day yesterday riding around with kalishnikov-wielding militsia officers as they tried to decide what to do with me. Apparently its time for me to leave.
In the first case, I was arrested upon entering the airport to meet a friend because I didn't have a copy of an updated stamp registering me to live within Moscow city limits. They brought me into the police\u003cbr /\>station, where a somewhat intimidating 3 feet by 7 feet rusty iron\u003cbr /\>cage greets you upon entry – a bit of a departure from the semi-modern\u003cbr /\>international airport facilities. They cops debated what to do with\u003cbr /\>me, as I played dumb and pretended that all of my documents were in\u003cbr /\>order (I didn\'t have the copy they wanted, but I figured they would\u003cbr /\>get bored of me soon enough, as there were far richer people worth\u003cbr /\>extorting that they were missing out on as they debated with me, the\u003cbr /\>lowly student-type.)\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>The attempted robbery was really just sad, actually. I was outside a\u003cbr /\>café at 3am near the trainstation which goes to the skeevy south, and\u003cbr /\>got into conversation with a guy from Turkmenistan about his homeland,\u003cbr /\>which is probably the stupidest country on Earth, from most accounts.\u003cbr /\>(The president recently built an icepalace in the middle of his desert\u003cbr /\>nation, wrote a book of poems and musings on which the national\u003cbr /\>education system is based, and named the months of the year after his\u003cbr /\>family, and has taken the name Turkmenbashi, \'Father and Protector of\u003cbr /\>the Turkic People.) I left my friend Scott with a girl, then walked\u003cbr /\>off towards home, when after 2 blocks the guy came up next to me,\u003cbr /\>",1]
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In the last couple weeks I was arrested for not having the proper'dokumenty' on me, survived a knife-point attempted robbery unscathedand without losing my money, despite this managed to then lost mywallet with my visa and passport, spent the last 5 days in policestations and embassies, now I am being thrown out of the country(luckily I was leaving anyway) because I'm illegal, and I spent allday yesterday riding around with kalishnikov-wielding militsiaofficers as they tried to decide what to do with me. Apparently itstime for me to leave.In the first case, I was arrested upon entering the airport to meet afriend because I didn't have a copy of an updated stamp registering meto live within Moscow city limits. They brought me into the policestation, where a somewhat intimidating 3 feet by 7 feet rusty ironcage greets you upon entry – a bit of a departure from the semi-moderninternational airport facilities. They cops debated what to do withme, as I played dumb and pretended that all of my documents were inorder (I didn't have the copy they wanted, but I figured they wouldget bored of me soon enough, as there were far richer people worthextorting that they were missing out on as they debated with me, thelowly student-type.)The attempted robbery was really just sad, actually. I was outside acafé at 3am near the trainstation which goes to the skeevy south, andgot into conversation with a guy from Turkmenistan about his homeland,which is probably the stupidest country on Earth, from most accounts.(The president recently built an icepalace in the middle of his desertnation, wrote a book of poems and musings on which the nationaleducation system is based, and named the months of the year after hisfamily, and has taken the name Turkmenbashi, 'Father and Protector ofthe Turkic People.) I left my friend Scott with a girl, then walkedoff towards home, when after 2 blocks the guy came up next to me,
needed it to get back to Turkmenistan. I told him I wouldn\'t. Then he\u003cbr /\>said please, and pulled a knife out of his pocket, opened it, and\u003cbr /\>showed me as we walked side by side down the street. For some reason,\u003cbr /\>after this obvious threat, he closed the knife and put it back in his\u003cbr /\>pocket. I was more surprised than anything. He stepped in front of me\u003cbr /\>and asked once again, cutting me off, so I simply stepped in, gave him\u003cbr /\>an elbow to the chin, and ran off. Dude, you\'re never going to get\u003cbr /\>back to Turkmenistan with that routine. Keep the knife in your hand at\u003cbr /\>all times, and stay far enough away in order to have an advantage with\u003cbr /\>it. Amateur.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Losing the wallet was far more of a nightmare. I\'d survive a mugging\u003cbr /\>every day if I could avoid Russian bureaucracy in the process.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>That little Kaftkaesque nightmare has led to me being stuck in a\u003cbr /\>precarious position: I am currently in Russia illegally, as I have no\u003cbr /\>visa, but I also can not leave, as you need a visa to get out as well.\u003cbr /\>I spent two whole days waiting in several different lines at the\u003cbr /\>purgatory which is the Office of Visas and Registrations, only to be\u003cbr /\>ferreted out of office #10 by some asshole deskjockey saying he had no\u003cbr /\>time to find a copy of my visa as he sat at his computer on an empty\u003cbr /\>desk playing solitaire. I was ready to start World War III.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>So basically, assuming that the Russians let me leave either after a\u003cbr /\>well placed bribe or a \'diplomatic note\' from the US Embassy to the\u003cbr /\>Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I should be enjoying sauerkraut\u003cbr /\>on a Lufthansa special through Munich, Germany by the middle of the\u003cbr /\>week.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Which reminds me – something about the Germans. It would suck to be\u003cbr /\>that nationality. A whole country in self-denial. Face it, you lost,\u003cbr /\>AND are in one way or another responsible for the killing of half the\u003cbr /\>people in Central and Eastern Europe.\u003cbr /\>",1]
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asking me to give him 500 rubles ($18). I told him no. He explained heneeded it to get back to Turkmenistan. I told him I wouldn't. Then hesaid please, and pulled a knife out of his pocket, opened it, andshowed me as we walked side by side down the street. For some reason,after this obvious threat, he closed the knife and put it back in hispocket. I was more surprised than anything. He stepped in front of meand asked once again, cutting me off, so I simply stepped in, gave himan elbow to the chin, and ran off. Dude, you're never going to getback to Turkmenistan with that routine. Keep the knife in your hand atall times, and stay far enough away in order to have an advantage withit. Amateur.Losing the wallet was far more of a nightmare. I'd survive a muggingevery day if I could avoid Russian bureaucracy in the process.That little Kaftkaesque nightmare has led to me being stuck in aprecarious position: I am currently in Russia illegally, as I have novisa, but I also can not leave, as you need a visa to get out as well.I spent two whole days waiting in several different lines at thepurgatory which is the Office of Visas and Registrations, only to beferreted out of office #10 by some asshole deskjockey saying he had notime to find a copy of my visa as he sat at his computer on an emptydesk playing solitaire. I was ready to start World War III.So basically, assuming that the Russians let me leave either after awell placed bribe or a 'diplomatic note' from the US Embassy to theRussian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I should be enjoying sauerkrauton a Lufthansa special through Munich, Germany by the middle of theweek.Which reminds me – something about the Germans. It would suck to bethat nationality. A whole country in self-denial. Face it, you lost,AND are in one way or another responsible for the killing of half thepeople in Central and Eastern Europe.
[Ed> I feel a massive diversion coming on. Feel free to skip to the bottom.]\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>I write as I sit in my living room and performing my civic duty as a\u003cbr /\>resident of any country other than the United States by watching the\u003cbr /\>World Cup soccer tournament.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>The obvious dilemma: soccer blows.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>I just watched Sweden and Trinidad/Tobago \'battle\' to a 0-0 tie. Last\u003cbr /\>night I caught a bit of England\'s 1-0 win over Paraguay, the only goal\u003cbr /\>coming when an England free kick glanced of the head of a Paraguay\u003cbr /\>defender, past his goalkeeper and into his own net. The following 87\u003cbr /\>minutes were an exercise in futility.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Its cute, really, all the countries with their flags and their fans,\u003cbr /\>the Swedes running around with their blonde hair and their free health\u003cbr /\>care and their Viking helmets which just scream \'see, we used to be\u003cbr /\>bloodthirsty assholes too.\'\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Sweden, not that stupid golf course in my home town, is Val Halla. A\u003cbr /\>whole society of people who basically stopped fighting wars in the\u003cbr /\>19th century, instead issuing peace prizes and granting asylum to\u003cbr /\>anyone and enjoy paternity leave for fathers of newborn babies and 6\u003cbr /\>weeks vacation and free national child care and university education\u003cbr /\>mandated by law to be free and so on and so on. Perfect Sweeden, where\u003cbr /\>everyone is happy and gay. Literally - there is a lot of gays there.\u003cbr /\>Every girl will casually make out with other girls, and most guys have\u003cbr /\>casually made out with other guys if ostensibly to get girls to do it\u003cbr /\>in front of them. But this was apparently standard practice in the\u003cbr /\>Swedish high school. They have sex ed at 12, real sex by 14, but still\u003cbr /\>manage to have almost no births. They also invented pornography, and\u003cbr /\>claim to be the #3 world exporter of music behind us and the UK. At\u003cbr /\>the same time, I can\'t name a Swedish band besides ABBA and Ace of\u003cbr /\>Base.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Point is, the Swedes know that they\'ve got it pretty well. The only\u003cbr /\>",1]
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[Ed> I feel a massive diversion coming on. Feel free to skip to the bottom.]I write as I sit in my living room and performing my civic duty as aresident of any country other than the United States by watching theWorld Cup soccer tournament.The obvious dilemma: soccer blows.I just watched Sweden and Trinidad/Tobago 'battle' to a 0-0 tie. Lastnight I caught a bit of England's 1-0 win over Paraguay, the only goalcoming when an England free kick glanced of the head of a Paraguaydefender, past his goalkeeper and into his own net. The following 87minutes were an exercise in futility.Its cute, really, all the countries with their flags and their fans,the Swedes running around with their blonde hair and their free healthcare and their Viking helmets which just scream 'see, we used to bebloodthirsty assholes too.'Sweden, not that stupid golf course in my home town, is Val Halla. Awhole society of people who basically stopped fighting wars in the19th century, instead issuing peace prizes and granting asylum toanyone and enjoy paternity leave for fathers of newborn babies and 6weeks vacation and free national child care and university educationmandated by law to be free and so on and so on. Perfect Sweeden, whereeveryone is happy and gay. Literally - there is a lot of gays there.Every girl will casually make out with other girls, and most guys havecasually made out with other guys if ostensibly to get girls to do itin front of them. But this was apparently standard practice in theSwedish high school. They have sex ed at 12, real sex by 14, but stillmanage to have almost no births. They also invented pornography, andclaim to be the #3 world exporter of music behind us and the UK. Atthe same time, I can't name a Swedish band besides ABBA and Ace ofBase.Point is, the Swedes know that they've got it pretty well. The only
well, they\'re boring.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Actually, there are two problems. The other being that, in the year\u003cbr /\>1707, the Swedish army was destroyed in a battle at Poltava, Ukraine\u003cbr /\>against Peter the Great. If the Swedes, (I know they were outnumbered\u003cbr /\>and lacked ammunition and starving) had simply won that battle, Russia\u003cbr /\>would never have entered European politics, would not have supported\u003cbr /\>Serbia in 1914, which means the death of Archduke Ferdinand would have\u003cbr /\>led to a limited Austrio-Serbian war, Germany would have never fought\u003cbr /\>and lost WWI (especially with a strong power to the North), which\u003cbr /\>means there would have been no embarrassing peace treaty, no\u003cbr /\>nationalism, no Hitler, no fascism, no holocaust, no Bolshevik\u003cbr /\>revolution in Russia (if the Swedes were running it the place would\u003cbr /\>have been another frozen paradise), no Lenin, no Stalin, no purges, no\u003cbr /\>Cold War, no Vietnam, no Korea...\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Basically, Sweden ruined all of modern civilization.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Their only other problem is that, by their own admission, they are\u003cbr /\>some of the most boring people on Earth. They don\'t really know how to\u003cbr /\>have fun, which I think is why they all took a liking to me, because I\u003cbr /\>enjoy mocking America and enjoying life. Maybe there is something that\u003cbr /\>makes you boring if you have no real problems in your society. Damn\u003cbr /\>shame. When they were vikings they knew how to have fun. In contrast,\u003cbr /\>the Russians love to have fun, to excess, though they don\'t really\u003cbr /\>know how to make it happen - it just does. But when it does, they swim\u003cbr /\>in it. I guess there is something about instability, lawlessness in\u003cbr /\>the streets and anarchy that help you have a good time. Must be why\u003cbr /\>the Brazilians are so good at it too.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>So if you hadn\'t guessed yet, about half my friends in Russia were\u003cbr /\>Swedes, the other half Russians, with a mathematically spoiling few\u003cbr /\>thrown in from Armenia, Costa Rica, Germany and a gay guy from\u003cbr /\>",1]
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problem with their limp falice hanging off the top of Europe is,well, they're boring.Actually, there are two problems. The other being that, in the year1707, the Swedish army was destroyed in a battle at Poltava, Ukraineagainst Peter the Great. If the Swedes, (I know they were outnumberedand lacked ammunition and starving) had simply won that battle, Russiawould never have entered European politics, would not have supportedSerbia in 1914, which means the death of Archduke Ferdinand would haveled to a limited Austrio-Serbian war, Germany would have never foughtand lost WWI (especially with a strong power to the North), whichmeans there would have been no embarrassing peace treaty, nonationalism, no Hitler, no fascism, no holocaust, no Bolshevikrevolution in Russia (if the Swedes were running it the place wouldhave been another frozen paradise), no Lenin, no Stalin, no purges, noCold War, no Vietnam, no Korea...Basically, Sweden ruined all of modern civilization.Their only other problem is that, by their own admission, they aresome of the most boring people on Earth. They don't really know how tohave fun, which I think is why they all took a liking to me, because Ienjoy mocking America and enjoying life. Maybe there is something thatmakes you boring if you have no real problems in your society. Damnshame. When they were vikings they knew how to have fun. In contrast,the Russians love to have fun, to excess, though they don't reallyknow how to make it happen - it just does. But when it does, they swimin it. I guess there is something about instability, lawlessness inthe streets and anarchy that help you have a good time. Must be whythe Brazilians are so good at it too.So if you hadn't guessed yet, about half my friends in Russia wereSwedes, the other half Russians, with a mathematically spoiling fewthrown in from Armenia, Costa Rica, Germany and a gay guy from
obnoxious bubbly shallow materialistic roommate from Seattle. I often\u003cbr /\>had to turn up my Russian punk rock so I wouldn\'t have to listen to\u003cbr /\>her talking to herself from the other room. There were also\u003cbr /\>unconfirmed reports that at a party at a mutual friend\'s house, she\u003cbr /\>defecated in the toilet, and when the thing refused to go down, she,\u003cbr /\>hammered out of her mind and embarrassed at its girth, got a plastic\u003cbr /\>bag, put it over her hand and placed it in the kitchen receptacle in\u003cbr /\>front of several eye-witnesses. I had to convince myself that this was\u003cbr /\>not normal behavior of Americans in order to be able to return there.\u003cbr /\>Sorry for sharing that, but I just wanted to highlight why else\u003cbr /\>foreigners might hate us.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>What I have found in Russia, is that really, not much has changed.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>You get the impression that, should the mood strike the teeming masses\u003cbr /\>or the elite of the moment, they could easily paint the town red (in\u003cbr /\>the political, not the usual drowned-in-alcohol condition which\u003cbr /\>pervades) and make it just like the old days. Hammers and sickles\u003cbr /\>adorn nearly every building, half of the men of the country are\u003cbr /\>enlisted in some sort of uniformed service or public security role, TV\u003cbr /\>news is still controlled by the government, and if its not propaganda\u003cbr /\>news then its old Soviet movies blathering on all day long, which by a\u003cbr /\>rule all feature charming headscarved peasant-women riding around the\u003cbr /\>fields in shiny tractors harvesting overflowing bushels of wheat and\u003cbr /\>gentlemanly clean-cut men riding off to the front to get killed and\u003cbr /\>return home to some sort of mourning scene and honorable funeral. I\u003cbr /\>haven\'t once seen a Soviet movie where the women are the typical\u003cbr /\>overweight grumpy babushka working on her knees with bare hands in a\u003cbr /\>dust bowl while another grandson is taken off to the front to fight\u003cbr /\>the Nazis and then is shot in the back by his officer for refusing to\u003cbr /\>",1]
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Finland. The only American I knew in Moscow was my proto-typical fakeobnoxious bubbly shallow materialistic roommate from Seattle. I oftenhad to turn up my Russian punk rock so I wouldn't have to listen toher talking to herself from the other room. There were alsounconfirmed reports that at a party at a mutual friend's house, shedefecated in the toilet, and when the thing refused to go down, she,hammered out of her mind and embarrassed at its girth, got a plasticbag, put it over her hand and placed it in the kitchen receptacle infront of several eye-witnesses. I had to convince myself that this wasnot normal behavior of Americans in order to be able to return there.Sorry for sharing that, but I just wanted to highlight why elseforeigners might hate us.What I have found in Russia, is that really, not much has changed.You get the impression that, should the mood strike the teeming massesor the elite of the moment, they could easily paint the town red (inthe political, not the usual drowned-in-alcohol condition whichpervades) and make it just like the old days. Hammers and sicklesadorn nearly every building, half of the men of the country areenlisted in some sort of uniformed service or public security role, TVnews is still controlled by the government, and if its not propagandanews then its old Soviet movies blathering on all day long, which by arule all feature charming headscarved peasant-women riding around thefields in shiny tractors harvesting overflowing bushels of wheat andgentlemanly clean-cut men riding off to the front to get killed andreturn home to some sort of mourning scene and honorable funeral. Ihaven't once seen a Soviet movie where the women are the typicaloverweight grumpy babushka working on her knees with bare hands in adust bowl while another grandson is taken off to the front to fightthe Nazis and then is shot in the back by his officer for refusing to
buried on the spot in an unmarked mass grave by a bulldozer to make\u003cbr /\>room for a tank formation coming through. I wish they would show that\u003cbr /\>movie. I wonder why they don\'t.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Probably for the same reason that in the US you never see the movie\u003cbr /\>about an immigrant working at a Texas chicken farm for $4/hour, 12\u003cbr /\>hours/day who is caught by border control sending money back to his\u003cbr /\>family and is given the \'exile or army\' choice, after which he chooses\u003cbr /\>the army in order to continue sending remissions home and is promptly\u003cbr /\>sent with a honorable, poor, black kid from Detroit and an honorable,\u003cbr /\>ignorant and poor white Sothern Baptist from Nothingville, Alabama to\u003cbr /\>a 120 degree wasteland after 6 months of training to defend a road to\u003cbr /\>an oil field only to find themselves randomly shot at once a week from\u003cbr /\>passing rundown Italian sedans, until one day one of them is finally\u003cbr /\>killed when the road underneath their hummer explodes sending the\u003cbr /\>others into bouts of anxiety, depression and untapped rage which is\u003cbr /\>directed by their commanding officers and government towards some\u003cbr /\>unseen enemy which blends into the populace but must be eliminated,\u003cbr /\>until they finally capture a rebel who may have killed their buddy and\u003cbr /\>ask their CO what to do and are given little or no instruction except\u003cbr /\>\'get the information\' and their combination of rage, confusion,\u003cbr /\>depression, homesickness, disorientation and ignorance about actual\u003cbr /\>treatment of prisoner laws lead them to hold his head underwater until\u003cbr /\>he confesses after which evidence is found by the press which leads to\u003cbr /\>the CO blaming the grunts as isolated undisciplined actors,\u003cbr /\>discharging the Mexican back to Mexico and leaving the redneck the\u003cbr /\>last standing of the three who after finding a bomb under his truck\u003cbr /\>for the third time in a week loses his grip and kills everyone in a\u003cbr /\>neighboring house.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>",1]
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charge headlong into enemy lines without a rifle and then later isburied on the spot in an unmarked mass grave by a bulldozer to makeroom for a tank formation coming through. I wish they would show thatmovie. I wonder why they don't.Probably for the same reason that in the US you never see the movieabout an immigrant working at a Texas chicken farm for $4/hour, 12hours/day who is caught by border control sending money back to hisfamily and is given the 'exile or army' choice, after which he choosesthe army in order to continue sending remissions home and is promptlysent with a honorable, poor, black kid from Detroit and an honorable,ignorant and poor white Sothern Baptist from Nothingville, Alabama toa 120 degree wasteland after 6 months of training to defend a road toan oil field only to find themselves randomly shot at once a week frompassing rundown Italian sedans, until one day one of them is finallykilled when the road underneath their hummer explodes sending theothers into bouts of anxiety, depression and untapped rage which isdirected by their commanding officers and government towards someunseen enemy which blends into the populace but must be eliminated,until they finally capture a rebel who may have killed their buddy andask their CO what to do and are given little or no instruction except'get the information' and their combination of rage, confusion,depression, homesickness, disorientation and ignorance about actualtreatment of prisoner laws lead them to hold his head underwater untilhe confesses after which evidence is found by the press which leads tothe CO blaming the grunts as isolated undisciplined actors,discharging the Mexican back to Mexico and leaving the redneck thelast standing of the three who after finding a bomb under his truckfor the third time in a week loses his grip and kills everyone in aneighboring house.
\u003cbr /\>Am I getting off topic?\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>There is nothing stupider than a Serbia vs. Netherlands match, since\u003cbr /\>their Serbian colors are blue-white-red horizontal tricolor and the\u003cbr /\>Netherlands are red-white-blue horizontal tricolor. Are they Dutch or\u003cbr /\>Netherlandian? If they always wear orange anyway, why don\'t they just\u003cbr /\>change the damn flag? And can we get off of these red-white-blue\u003cbr /\>colors? A friend of mine just back from Hungary was joking that all\u003cbr /\>the tourists in there are confused by the fact that there are \'all\u003cbr /\>these French flags\' hanging around, which of course is the\u003cbr /\>red-white-blue vertical tricolor as opposed to the blue-white-red\u003cbr /\>Magyar tricolor. Are they Hungarians or Magyars?\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Now for the halftime news break – another typical topic:\u003cbr /\>Anti-Americanism and Pro-Russianism in the former Soviet republics.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Today\'s special is a group of American soldiers having some sort of\u003cbr /\>meeting in the Crimean peninsula, who were greeted by the\u003cbr /\>Russian-speaking locals with chants of \'Yankee go home!\' The other\u003cbr /\>stories on today\'s news: #2: Russian troops find a hideout of rebels\u003cbr /\>in Southern Russia, another victory in Russia\'s War on Terrorism. #3:\u003cbr /\>Three detainees at Guantanamo kill themselves, another embarrassment\u003cbr /\>for America\'s War on Terrorism – report complete with graphics clearly\u003cbr /\>stolen directly from an ABC News program, judging by the fact that the\u003cbr /\>words were in English and the type-face was a dead ringer. They have\u003cbr /\>the money to make their own reports, they just can\'t help but cheat\u003cbr /\>off someone\'s paper. How do you think they got the bomb so soon after\u003cbr /\>us?\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Well, I caught on to some sweet music in a sea of putrid Russo-pop shite.\u003cbr /\>ДДТ – DDT (crusty old glastnost-era Russian rock band)\u003cbr /\>Дети Picasso – Children of Picasso (Armenian folk rock)\u003cbr /\>Кино – Martyr of glastnost somewhere between the\u003cbr /\>antiestablishmentarianism of U2, the national-consciousness of Johnny\u003cbr /\>",1]
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They never show that movie either.Am I getting off topic?There is nothing stupider than a Serbia vs. Netherlands match, sincetheir Serbian colors are blue-white-red horizontal tricolor and theNetherlands are red-white-blue horizontal tricolor. Are they Dutch orNetherlandian? If they always wear orange anyway, why don't they justchange the damn flag? And can we get off of these red-white-bluecolors? A friend of mine just back from Hungary was joking that allthe tourists in there are confused by the fact that there are 'allthese French flags' hanging around, which of course is thered-white-blue vertical tricolor as opposed to the blue-white-redMagyar tricolor. Are they Hungarians or Magyars?Now for the halftime news break – another typical topic:Anti-Americanism and Pro-Russianism in the former Soviet republics.Today's special is a group of American soldiers having some sort ofmeeting in the Crimean peninsula, who were greeted by theRussian-speaking locals with chants of 'Yankee go home!' The otherstories on today's news: #2: Russian troops find a hideout of rebelsin Southern Russia, another victory in Russia's War on Terrorism. #3:Three detainees at Guantanamo kill themselves, another embarrassmentfor America's War on Terrorism – report complete with graphics clearlystolen directly from an ABC News program, judging by the fact that thewords were in English and the type-face was a dead ringer. They havethe money to make their own reports, they just can't help but cheatoff someone's paper. How do you think they got the bomb so soon afterus?Well, I caught on to some sweet music in a sea of putrid Russo-pop shite.ДДТ – DDT (crusty old glastnost-era Russian rock band)Дети Picasso – Children of Picasso (Armenian folk rock)Кино – Martyr of glastnost somewhere between theantiestablishmentarianism of U2, the national-consciousness of Johnny
-height-of-his-career-ness of\u003cbr /\>Kurt Cobain, all played over depressing The Cure-type music. About 70\u003cbr /\>Soviet kids committed suicide after their singer died in a car\u003cbr /\>accident.\u003cbr /\>Nautilius Pompilius – Russian 80s music. That pretty much says it.\u003cbr /\>Руслана – Ruslana (Something like a Ukrainian Shakira which I enjoy\u003cbr /\>for some reason.)\u003cbr /\>Ленинград – Leningrad (Extremely raunchy ska-punk from, well,\u003cbr /\>Leningrad. They are banned from playing Moscow because the mayor\u003cbr /\>thinks their lyrics are too explicit. This could be because the first\u003cbr /\>20 seconds of their biggest hit is a musical intro over laid with the\u003cbr /\>Russian word \'Хуй!\' [khui \u003d dick], or that their second biggest song\'s\u003cbr /\>repetitive chant is a drunken drawl which goes У её такая жопа, очень\u003cbr /\>я её люблю! [U yeyo takaya zhopa ochen\' ya yeyo lyublyu! \u003d She has\u003cbr /\>such an ass, oh how much I love it!] Its cute in a Russian way.)\u003cbr /\>Manu Chau (Some sort of Spanish/French/electro folk thing)\u003cbr /\>Elektromorf – Folk-deathrock from Hungary.\u003cbr /\>Djingis Khan – Everyone in Moscow knows the song about Moscow by this\u003cbr /\>German disco group from the 70s. It\'s the pinnacle of cheese. I beg of\u003cbr /\>you to taste it.\u003cbr /\>The Flaming Cocks – what a great name. They\'re from the Czech Republic.\u003cbr /\>The Tony Montanas – I don\'t understand how the Germans could be the\u003cbr /\>best imitators of American rockabilly, but for some reason, they are.\u003cbr /\>The Red Elvises – Bill themselves as \'kick ass rock-n-roll from\u003cbr /\>Siberia.\' They have a chick who plays accordion.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>I guess that\'s about all my accomplishments.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>And learning a little Russian.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>And seeing a dead Lenin.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>And surviving.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>Unlike Lenin.\u003cbr /\>\u003cbr /\>So, I will be in Boston by the end of the week, and plan to attend the\u003cbr /\>traditional 80\'s night at The Common Ground in Allston on Thursday,\u003cbr /\>June 15, with whomever remains in that besieged bunker of a city.\u003cbr /\>Saturday I will attend a university friend\'s wedding, which could only\u003cbr /\>",1]
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Cash and the got-his-ass-killed-at-the-height-of-his-career-ness ofKurt Cobain, all played over depressing The Cure-type music. About 70Soviet kids committed suicide after their singer died in a caraccident.Nautilius Pompilius – Russian 80s music. That pretty much says it.Руслана – Ruslana (Something like a Ukrainian Shakira which I enjoyfor some reason.)Ленинград – Leningrad (Extremely raunchy ska-punk from, well,Leningrad. They are banned from playing Moscow because the mayorthinks their lyrics are too explicit. This could be because the first20 seconds of their biggest hit is a musical intro over laid with theRussian word 'Хуй!' [khui = dick], or that their second biggest song'srepetitive chant is a drunken drawl which goes У её такая жопа, оченья её люблю! [U yeyo takaya zhopa ochen' ya yeyo lyublyu! = She hassuch an ass, oh how much I love it!] Its cute in a Russian way.)Manu Chau (Some sort of Spanish/French/electro folk thing)Elektromorf – Folk-deathrock from Hungary.Djingis Khan – Everyone in Moscow knows the song about Moscow by thisGerman disco group from the 70s. It's the pinnacle of cheese. I beg ofyou to taste it.The Flaming Cocks – what a great name. They're from the Czech Republic.The Tony Montanas – I don't understand how the Germans could be thebest imitators of American rockabilly, but for some reason, they are.The Red Elvises – Bill themselves as 'kick ass rock-n-roll fromSiberia.' They have a chick who plays accordion.I guess that's about all my accomplishments.And learning a little Russian.And seeing a dead Lenin.And surviving.Unlike Lenin.So, I will be in Boston by the end of the week, and plan to attend thetraditional 80's night at The Common Ground in Allston on Thursday,June 15, with whomever remains in that besieged bunker of a city.Saturday I will attend a university friend's wedding, which could onlymean that I'm getting old. I will be in Maine by Monday. I would alsolike to get down to Conneticut and New York, to see that subsection ofcrew within a week or two.The most pervasive feeling one draws from Moscow is that you are,truly, at the end of the known universe. One trip to any of the trainstations heading East will prove that to you. There's about equalparts chance I will take a job in Boston or in Washington DC upon myreturn, and be based there for the foreseeable future. Mostimportantly, I am looking forward to seeing all of you, and my family.I am looking forward to sports other than soccer, Thai food, Mexicanfood, cheap Guinness, clean air, the ocean, driving, a city of lessthan 15 million, personal space in public places, orderly waitinglines, toilet seats in public buildings, health care, moderatewinters, nights out that start before midnight, sunrises no earlierthan 6am, and sunsets no later than 9pm.I will miss, however, the most efficient metro system on Earth, cheapvegetables, chaos, pirated Microsoft programs, dozens of 24 hourrestaurants, Russian friends, lewd expatriate journalism, and ohh, theexcess. The monumental excess. The biggest, loudest, most expensive,most obtuse, communistic, capitalistic, obnoxious, dirtiest, exciting,darkest, ridiculous, offensive, intoxicated, cultured, and lawlessplace on Earth. Days that never end in Summer, nights that never endin winter. Everything, right or wrong, to the extremes of the word.This is a city defined by its own excess, to compensate for theshameful deficiencies of the land. These people had no chance to benormal. My lungs, my mind, my patience, my liver, my ears, and thesehands, have had quite enough. For the moment anyway.If I'm not back by Thursday, call the State Department.
posted by Майлз Г. Смит @ 8:00 PM
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